On Spirituality of aging Part 1

A friend died the other day. He was a deacon whom I have known ever since I came to Erie. He had worked in sales for many years and then after retiring from the business world he served as a deacon for many more years. He maintained good health right up until the end, when he suffered a massive heart attack. My friend and fellow deacon loved motorcycles and always drove one around, though the price of one of his bikes was around the price of a compact car. He was even a member of a biker club.  As a deacon, he was assigned to an inner-city parish and well-liked by everyone.  He was also a member of the Deacon Council for the Diocese. He resigned a few months ago. He felt that he was getting too spread out in his commitments and wanted to cut back to a more manageable level.

A couple of weeks ago he had a heart attack and was taken down to Pittsburgh for surgery. He made it through the surgery but never really recovered. I imagine that he was as surprised as anyone about the heart attack and eventually dying. He didn’t act like it was the next big phase of his life. I don’t think he was consciously preparing for it. Yet, death is inevitable. It comes to all of us. Was he prepared?

There were nice comments about the life of service and Christian witness that my friend had lived. The words were like those spoken about a year ago when another friend and fellow deacon passed on. What was said at both funerals was true. These men were outstanding deacons. They had generous hearts and were among the kindest and most self-sacrificing men I have been privileged to know. As I listened to the prayers and eulogies at his funeral, it got me thinking about my life, what I’ve done with it and how I would assess it. Have I made decent use of the time given to me so far?

Adrian Van Kaam was a priest and psychologist at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh for many years. His magnum opus was a series of books on spiritual formation that described the entire life cycle. While the books are fairy technical in their details, the ideas he presents are very practical and apply as much to the average lay person as they might apply to someone being prepared for life as a religious or cleric.  My favorite work of his is “The Transcendent Self”, which focuses on the spirituality of older people.

Most psychologists, including Van Kaam, describe a series of developmental stages that people go through as they age. These stages focus primarily on the emergence of social and practical skills in childhood and early adulthood. As people enter their mid-thirties and forties development in most people focuses on generativity. This represents a focus on leaving a legacy. This legacy can be as basic as having children, though it can also include taking on major life projects or building mastery in one’s chosen career. The academic might write books or conduct groundbreaking research. The businessperson might expand the business or move it in a new direction. For example, Bill Gates changed his focus from building up Microsoft to philanthropy as he moved into his middle years.

This generative period will extend for several decades but eventually the person needs to move into a phase of reflection and evaluation. The person looks back over his or her life and tries to assess whether it has been time well spent. Am I happy with what I did with my life or does it leave me disappointed? Van Kaam presents this work of evaluation as the task of one’s “Golden Years”.