Peter’s dreams of glory and power were shattered. The hope that Israel might experience freedom from the Roman yoke was destroyed. Peter came to realize that he wasn’t some powerful hero who would defend his Lord. Rather, he was a weak fisherman, who was so cowardly that he was afraid to acknowledge Jesus before a maidservant. He was even too frightened to stand at the foot of the cross, as did the Beloved Disciple, the Mother of Jesus, and several of the women who had followed Jesus. A similar realization of the enormity of his failure had driven another disciple, Judas Iscariot, to suicide.
Peter had the same choice. He could have killed himself as his world fell apart around him. He could have killed himself when he realized what a weak-willed and fundamental looser he was. He could have killed himself from shame, when he realized what a fool he had been.
As his failures as a disciple and human being became apparent to him the pride that had become a barrier for him was shattered. He had been so full of self-importance and illusion that he was blind to Christ’s mission and his true nature. In his pain, Peter experienced what the Greek language describes as kenosis. This refers to a self-emptying. Imagine a bucket filled with dirt. You go up to God with this bucket of dirt and ask God to fill it with gold. Even if God answers your request, there is only enough room for a few gold coins, as the bucket is already filled with dirt. However, if you empty out the dirt and clean the bucket and then go back to God requesting it be filled with gold, you end up with a bucket filled to the brim with gold, not dirt. Kenosis is the process of getting rid of all the dirt in the bucket.
So, when forced to face all the dirt in his life, he didn’t despair, as Judas had done. If he learned anything from his time with Jesus, it was that despite his faults and failures he was loved by the Father. God’s love was an inexhaustible stream that never went dry, that always flowed. That stream of divine love gave him hope. Rather than running and hiding from everyone, Peter sought out the other disciples. They comforted one another and shared their hope in God’s love.
That hope was rewarded in a couple of days by the mystery of the resurrection. He realized that the hope given by Jesus transcended the political liberation from Rome that was sought by the people of Israel. The hope given by Jesus spoke to the fundamental relationship that existed between God and humanity. This relationship was one of abiding and self-sacrificial love. That love was so powerful that it transcended the pain and evil that plagued the world.
The words a society uses to describe the nuances of a concept says a great deal about the society and the importance of the concept within that society. For example, in the islands there is one word for snow. It is just not that important of a concept in the tropics. In the Erie area there are three or four words used to describe snow, as this is cold country for part of the year and snow has a big impact on tourists who want to ski and drivers who must navigate the slush that fills our roads during the winter months. However, among Eskimos there are more than a dozen words for snow, since it is an integral part of their year-round environment and can mean the difference between survival or death.
We see a similar phenomenon with the word “love”. There are two or three words that are closely related in meaning to love; friendship and charity. Friendship is a type of love and charity is love in action. In Greek there are many words for love. Sorge is the love between a child and parent. Philia is love as friendship. Eros is sexual love. Agape is the virtue of love. It is the self-sacrificial love that puts the needs of the other before oneself. Caritas is like the English “Charity” as it is an expression of love in action.
One of the challenges of understanding love in the English language is the confusion that arises between agape love and erotic or filial love. In English love usually implies warm and fuzzy feelings toward another. If you ask someone if it is possible to love someone, yet not like the person, the listener stares at you in confusion. Love is seen by many English speakers as a more intense form of liking a person. It is an emotion. So, the idea that you can love someone without liking them seems absurd. Yet, agape love is a virtue and is rooted in an act of the will. It is something that you choose to do and is not dependent upon any warm and fuzzy feelings.
You can dislike someone, as an emotional reaction, yet choose to love them as an act of the will. For example, at least twice in my life different people have acted in ways that did harm to either me or my family. My emotional response was anger and a degree of dislike for the persons involved. Yet, realizing that Christ calls me to forgive, I have attempted to practice the virtue of love. I have chosen, as an act of the will, to forgive and to love the persons involved. I have striven to act toward them with empathy and from concern for their well-being. I still have a negative emotional response to them at times, which is normal. However, I do not allow the emotional reaction to interfere with the practice of the virtue of love.