Sharing our stories and importance of dialogue (Part 1)

If you listen to the news or skim through the Internet you get a lot of information. The difficulty is that the information is in pieces. It is in shards that make little sense by themselves but you can take a bunch of those shards and arrange them into a pattern that makes sense. These patterns are called stories. As we grow up these stories become the filters through which we understand the world around us.

When I was a youngster I loved science fiction (I still do) and one of my favorite authors was Robert Heinlein. I imagined myself traveling through space, going on heroic adventures, and battling villains. I wanted to live those science fiction stories and did what I could to make those stories real. I studied astronomy and took as many science courses as I could, in which I usually excelled. In high school and even early in college I focused on becoming a military pilot because in those days that was the only way one could become an astronaut and that was the way I could live out the story that had been shaped by my love of science fiction. The story has changed over the years as other influences have further shaped my life story. Thomas Merton was a big influence, as were Charles de Foucauld and Theresa of Avila. These influences moved my life story in the direction of Catholic spirituality and ministry. That story continues to live, evolve and helps me to make sense of the world even today.

Our stories do not occur in a vacuum. All of the people around us have their own life stories. Those stories are similar to ours because they are shaped by the same environment and influences that shape our stories. Our stories are influenced by our culture as well. Our cultural stories tie us to long established traditions within our community or ethnic group. Our cultural stories capture the values and attitudes that are the foundation of the community. These stories usually provide the limits and expectations that show up in our individual life stories.

These cultural stories change over time, as the culture changes. During the 19th century in the United States, a common cultural story dealt with the theme of heading west and being a pioneer. A theme of the early 20th century was that with hard work one could be a success. One could go from rags to riches. In the late 20th century the theme seemed to shift to technology as the savior of humanity.

Our stories have a profound impact on our actions. For example, a common story about marriage nowadays is that everyone has a right to be happy with a soulmate. Related to this is the idea that divorce and remarriage are valid options if one feels that they are not happy in a particular marital relationship or they encounter their soulmate and it isn’t their current spouse. After working on several marriage tribunals over the past thirty years, I’m familiar with this story. It keeps popping up, almost daily. It is the justification for divorce that keeps being offered in almost every annulment petition I see.

The problem with this story is that it is contrary to the Church’s basic understanding of marriage, as well as being based on an inadequate understanding of marriage from even a psychological perspective. According to the Church marriage is a permanent commitment, assuming that one can abandon a marriage because one is not happy with the relationship is not a Catholic understanding of the sacrament. Indeed, the courtship has the purpose of allowing the couple to get to know one another well enough to make a lifetime commitment. In addition, psychological studies have shown that marital relationships go through cycles and there are times when the relationship is strained and the parties may not be happy with one another. However, as these difficult times are worked through, the couple may experience a break through and find a deeper and richer marital relationship. They need to work through these difficulties and not abandon the relationship when the first difficulties occur.

No story is perfect and at times our stories come into conflict. If you follow the political debates there is a narrative that the world is changing too much and sliding into chaos. We are loosing traditional family structures, the demographics of the country are changing and dominant ethnic groups (European descent) are rapidly becoming a minority. There is nostalgia for a bygone era.

There is an opposing story that agrees that the world is changing but in the process it is becoming better. Technology is changing our lives for the better with new medical resources, and computers that can do tasks once thought impossible. If society is changing it is bringing greater inclusiveness, opportunity for all and a more realistic sense of being part of a world community.

Both stories have strengths and weaknesses. The first story warns people not to accept every change as good, some are not. It also embraces the unborn as needing protection. These two elements can be seen as strength. However, there is a tendency to reject people that are from different ethnic groups, or who have values different from ours. This is related to a fear of being culturally and politically overwhelmed by others. These elements are weaknesses, at least from the perspective of Catholic Social Teaching.

The strength of the second story is its openness to healthy technological change. For example, the changes in computers and communication in the past few decades has brought communities throughout the world much closer. It creates greater transparency, whether leaders (in politics, business and even the Church) want it or not. There also seems to be a greater openness to people that are different from us. The weakness of this story is its tendency to reduce humans to little more than machines. Again, abortion is generally accepted in this story, with little sense of the baby as a human being.

These stories are influential. They were major factors in the 2016 elections and will probably be similarly important in the 2020 election cycle.