About a century ago a psychologist, Rudolph Otto, described an encounter with the transcendent as a depth experience, which was characterized by awe, as well as fascination. He called these experiences numinous; that is, difficult to describe, yet rooted in our human condition. We need some way of perceiving these experiences, as well as interpreting them. This means that to some extent there is an overlap between the divine and human experience.
Paul is riding from Jerusalem to Damascus. On the way he experiences a blinding light that knocks him to the ground. While lying on the ground he feels the presence of the divine, who questions him and then sends him on to Damascus with instructions. That was the most powerful experience that Paul ever encountered up to that point in his life. It blinded and frightened him, yet it also inspired him. It was the pivotal moment in his life.
External observers saw Paul fall to the ground and may have heard thunder, but they saw nothing of what Paul was experiencing. Paul’s depth experience drew on his physical condition, his faith in God, his limited understanding of Jesus of Nazareth and a profound experience of awe, terror and a depth of joy that was beyond anything he ever experienced previously. It was numinous but experienced through the very human tools with which Paul was capable of interpreting that experience. From that moment forward God was no longer just a divine figure from Scripture, tradition and the experience of community life but was directly experienced in the person of Jesus Christ. For Paul, Jesus was not just some trouble maker who had been executed a few years earlier by the Romans, but Jesus was his Lord, with whom he spoke and interacted, who guided and strengthened him daily. Paul’s relationship with the divine became a personal relationship.
We love stories about depth experiences in which we come to faith or renew our faith in powerful and moving ways. Paul is the classic example of such experiences, but we encounter similar stories from St. Augustine, St. Martin of Tours, St. Francis of Assisi and many others. God seems to break through the shell of ordinary daily experience and for a while there is a depth of clarity and a numinous experience of the sacred that is transformative. God is no longer an abstract idea, a force, energy or tale handed down from generation to generation. God is experienced as a “Thou”, rather than as an “it”.
I’ve been directly involved in the formation of permanent deacons for many years and one commonality I’ve found among just about everyone who has applied for deacon formation is an experience of being called. God is a “Thou” with whom they have a relationship and that relationship is the most meaningful and foundational part of their lives. It is this experience of God as “Thou” for which people yearn and what we are talking about when we speak of a “personal relationship” with God.
I think that it is accurate to say that one of the greatest saints of the 20th century was Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta. After she died correspondence between her and her spiritual director became known through the canonization process that examined her life. The letters revealed that for almost 50 years she experienced spiritual desolation. She lacked any experiences of the numinous that were so encouraging during her young years as a religious sister. Instead of consolations and transcendent experiences there was nothing but dryness. Every day she had the routine of daily prayer, the chores of administering a community of religious sisters, and the duties of caring for the homeless, the dying and the hopeless of Calcutta. She plodded on, following this path day in and day out. If she measured God’s presence in her life just by the occurrence of a numinous experience now and then, God seemed to abandon her. Yet, it was these years of dreary plodding that were the most spiritually rich and productive of her life. It was these years that turned her into a great saint.
It is easy to forget that in our pursuit of a personal relationship with God that relationship is played out in a “human way” and subject to the “human condition”. Experiences of the numinous are certainly part of the human condition and of tremendous importance when they enter our lives. However, what makes such experiences so powerful is that they are extraordinary. That is, they are rare. They are a glimpse of the divine love but no more than a glimpse. We couldn’t function in this world if we were constantly intoxicated by the numinous. God is no less present to us in the ordinary experiences of life and we are no less in an “I-Thou” relationship with God in the ordinary experiences of life, even if we are not overwhelmed by that reality at the moment and we must find other “human ways” to experience the divine reality.
While we readily remember the great spiritual depth experiences, a personal relationship with the divine more normally plays out in the realm of the ordinary. Our everyday personal relationship with God is experienced in the ordinary flow of regular spiritual disciplines. Any relationship between persons requires time shared in conversation and even sitting with one another in silence, at times. The same works for our personal relationship with God. We need time to talk with God or even to sit in silence with him. All those things that we normally do to nourish a relationship with anyone, has its analog in our relationship with God. Yet, a personal relationship with God is not exclusionary. It is a relationship that expands exponentially and is shockingly inclusive.
Scripture tells us that God is love (1 John 4:8). It is one of the names of God that we can grasp somewhat because we are made in the image and likeness of God to the extent that at some basic level we are able to experience love and be aware of that experience. We understand that at some basic level what we experience and describe as human love is analogous to the divine love that is God. Even the central doctrine of Christianity, that God is Trinity, boils down to the reality that in the core of the divine reality love abides. So, if we are going to have a personal relationship with the divine, and do so in a human manner, then that personal relationship has something to do with the experience of love.